Our Changing Bodies
by Paradisical815
Summary: Richard had never considered the repercussions of a grown man living by himself for thousands of years until Jacob asked him, his deep voice full of innocence, where humans came from. Indignant!Richard and Chill!Jacob.


_**Our Changing Bodies **_**by Katty Noir

* * *

**_You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel  
_

**Our Changing Bodies**

Richard had never really considered the repercussions of a grown man living for thousands of years by himself until he and Jacob were sitting by the fire under a starry night sky, fifteen years, thirty days and six hours after Jacob had made Richard 'like him', and Jacob suddenly asked him, his deep voice full of innocence and his eyes unreadable, how humans were made and how babies got here.

Richard choked on his wine, leaning forward and coughing for a few seconds, and Jacob just looked at him with that unreadable expression of his, leaning back in the sand, supremely unconcerned. Not for the first time, Richard wondered if _anything _bothered him.

Once Richard could breathe again his turned to the much older man and gasped, his brow furrowed, "_What_?"

Jacob looked back to the fire with an expression on his face that may have been discomfort, and gave a half shrug. "I asked my mother, once. She said it was something I'd never have to worry about." He glanced at Richard. "I'm curious, though."

Richard gave a half-nod and a half-shrug, feeling incredibly awkward. "Most men are, generally," he said in a voice that only occasionally sounded Spanish, these days.

There was a long and awkward pause while Richard hoped Jacob had forgotten about the question and Jacob just watched Richard and the fire crackled.

"So?" he, Jacob, said after a few moments of silence and Richard spluttered again wincing.

"I'm- I'm not the person to ask about this, Jacob-" he said, turning to his only and very, very awkward friend.

"You're the _only_ person to ask about this, Richard," replied Jacob in his matter of fact way, raising his eyebrows a little bit and actually smiling slightly. Richard took this into consideration and then nodded, before turning himself in the sand to face the blond man, who had the same chill look on his face that he always did.

Richard took a breath and prayed for strength; how was supposed to explain this particular process to a grown man, thousand of years older than himself?

"Well, Jacob," he said, feeling very awkward and thinking, privately, that hell would be better than this, "when a boy is fairly young- ten, maybe, to thirteen- eh_, thing_s begin happening to him."

Richard was now redder than the flames and Jacob was just looking at him. He stared at Jacob, willing him to understand, but Jacob was generally more obtuse than a rock. "He begins to feel… um, urges."

No change in expression. Richard began to wonder if Jacob was entirely human.

"You're not making this easy, you know," snapped Richard suddenly, feeling very frustrated and embarrassed, and Jacob blinked.

"I'm... sorry?"

Richard just glowered at him and Jacob looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't realize this was a sensitive subject, Richard. My apologies."

Richard sighed, running a dirty hand through his equally dirty hair.

"It's not _sensitive_, Jacob. It's just... odd to try to explain this particular process to a grown man."

Jacob looked at him sideways and Richard sighed, now running his hands over his face. "Let's- let's just get this over with. A baby is made when a man and a woman come together as one."

He said this very quickly.

_Don't ask, don't ask-_

"How do they come together?"

_He asked._

Richard closed his eyes, wishing more than anything that he could just disappear.

"God put- ah, special body parts on a man, and special parts on a woman, that are made to- to-"

THAT INFURIATING, BLANK LOOK. Jacob just looked at him sideways, his blue eyes dark in the firelight and his face expressionless. None of this was bothering him. But then, _nothing_ bothered him.

"To go- together."

Crickets.

"I don't understand," said Jacob flatly. Richard wanted to pull his hair out.

"Do you want a- a demonstration-?"

"That would be helpful, yes-" said Jacob with a small nod, his voice unintentionally innocent.

"NO!" shouted Richard, moving a few inches away from Jacob, who now looked slightly perplexed. "Listen, to me, Jacob. This," he gestured at his quickly groin and then at Jacob's, his patience wearing thin and his face burning. "You know how it gets-" he closed his eyes, "-hard, sometimes?"

Jacob nodded.

"When it does that, it is because you are _aroused_ by something, you understand? Like- by that girl in the village, the one with the blue eyes-"

Jacob stared at him.

"Yes. When it does that, it is because it is ready to be shoved-"

Jacob's brow was furrowing and Richard's face was burning so hot he felt like he might spontaneously combust.

"- into the special parts God put on a woman, you understand now?"

Jacob turned and stared into the fire for a few long seconds, his brow furrowed and his mouth open slightly, before turning back to Richard, who dreaded more questions. "And people do this... why?"

Richard leaned forward, a slightly insane grin on his tan and bearded face. "Because it's _fun_, Jacob."

Jacob stared at him. "Is it only men and women who do this? Can men and other men-"

"NO!" shouted Richard, looking horrified, now completely uncomfortable with this turn of topics.

Jacob looked very taken aback at the ferocious look on his friend's face and did not pursue the subject, instead turning back to the fire.

They were lying in the sand an hour later, the fire dying, both of them on the verge of sleep.

"Richard?" came Jacob's voice, gravelly with drowsiness. Richard closed his eyes, praying that there would be no more questions.

"...yes?"

"What is it that makes _you_ go... hard?"

Richard groaned, tilting his head back in the sand. "Definitely not all your questions."

The fire crackled and Richard could see, in his minds' eye, Jacob giving him that look.

"I don't understand."

"Go to sleep, Jacob."

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A/N: Posted on livejournal first :D I love these boys and it makes me laugh to think of all the hilarious things that may have transpired between them during their 100 years together. Might write some more later. If you like Supernatural, Harry Potter or Chronicles of Riddick, check out my other stories!

Please Review!

K


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